Thinking, Thinking, and More Thinking
I am back at school, and cannot believe that I am actually working on the blog for week number nine! I have met some really nice and interesting people. And my professor, Ms. Croker, is exactly the kind of teacher I wish my kids will get. My decision to return to continue my education came after a lot of thought. I currently have a full time job at a local high school and I also have a part-time job on the weekends with a group of attorneys and investigators. I was a volunteer at church and at my daughter’s school, and once in a while I was a team mom for one sport of hers, or another. I wasn't sure how I was going to juggle it all, but I had to try. And, as much as I like my jobs and my class, I have found that the time I spent volunteering is gone, and I miss it. My life has changed so much this past year. My son moved to San Diego to go to college and my daughter started high school. And with all that going on, we also remodeled our home, so not even that is the same anymore.
I know that my future is getting closer and closer, and I am excited about finishing school and going onto a new career as a high school counselor, but I have found myself consumed with “thinking!” I don’t know about the rest of the class, but when I least expect it I am thinking about the next blog or my next comment on a classmate’s blog, or thinking of the topic of the week for our essays. I feel that sometimes I cannot think of “fun.” As much as I look forward to class and getting through the next assignment, I miss “fun.” But, there is no time! And when I happen to come across something fun with the family, I feel guilty. I end up taking my notes or books with me and read or write my notes, just to feel accomplished, if only for a few hours. I have become so paranoid, that I even wake up thinking, “Did I hit all the points on my essay?” “I need to look at the assignment, because I am sure I missed something.”
With the holidays coming up, I feel that I won’t have time to think about Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas, since this class does not finish until the week of Christmas, and I feel sad and kind of left out of the “fun.” I try not to pout, but that’s how I feel. I know I sound silly, but I have come to realize that my priorities are changing, as my determination increases. I am trying to enjoy this journey, but I have found that it is a lonely one, with all this thinking.
